Copyright 1998 All rights reserved by the respective authors.

Linking to :
Spring moon (#3)

in soft light
glimpse of the moon
its face looks young
                        Lynne


Fay's candidates sent to Mr. Fukuda:
Fay's Link Candidate Mr. Fukuda's Comments
A
gozen reiji ni tadaima no koe
(one o'clock am/voice of "I'm home")
                hearing "I'm home"
                at one o'clock in the morning
"one a.m." is too close, time-wise, to the previous link. Also, someone coming home and glipse of the moon is too close, too.
B
zou ni yurarete touge wo koeru
(swaying on the back of elephant/cross the ridge)

                swaying on (at?) elephant's back
                we cross the ridge
Sorry! I confused you. I said a tortoise (animal) is OK in #5, but there were gulls in #2. No animal here, yet.
C
koe-gawari shita hyakujyuu no ou
(voice changed/king of 100 animals)
                
                his voice changed
                the King of animals
Very interesting. Impressed! However, as I wrote above, no animal. Submit this again later. (hyakujyuu no ou (king of 100 animals) means a lion... Fay)
D
kanjyou sen no nagasa kuraberu
(length of the line of Heart/we compare)

                comparing the length
                of our lines of Heart
Palm reading is not very appropriate in the first six. (Fay thought this is a beautiful link, but after 'unmatching dishes,' 'to compare the length' might be a problem.)
E
mukyuu de tsuzuku kenkyuu kaihatsu
(continue without days-off/research and development)


                no holidays for
                research and development
Researchers work through the night and the moon at their window. Very good shifting! As you can see, compared with this, A-D lack changes of scenes/topics.
Overall comment: Linking and shifting should be not too close, but not too far. Like a spider's string, linking can be very thin and subtle. But, this is very complicated, yet important, subject. Read more books on renku and keep studying.

Shinku Fukuda